"Do you like hospital food?"
Normally used as a threat rather than an actual question. So if your answer was
"Actually today I did like the sprouts", it would probably be followed by a visit to the dentist for some remedial work.
Chemo does some very strange things to your taste buds, and it seems to change unpredicably from day to day. Last week I was convinced I was given Salted Rhubarb pudding. Not recomended.
Today, I not only braved NHS brussels for the second time of my stay, first were obligatory xmas day ones, but came to the conclusion they were the best part of the meal.
Tuesday 30 December 2008
Monday 29 December 2008
Lucozade - aids insomnia
In retrospect, reaching for the Lucozade bottle was a bad idea.
It was 4ish and the night had been hard work so far. A blur of tangled tubes,wires and pumps which were filling me with chemo and fluids, to make hourly visits to the sample room to rid myself of them.
Maybe it was an accumulation of mistakes. I had neglected to keep my water bottles refilled the night before and so earlier had had to reach for the 50s Tupperware beaker of water. An experience I didn't want to repeat. I lay awake and remembered the half drunk Luco bottle bought in by one of my visitors (thanks to all of you so far by the way - it has been brilliant, both the visits and calls). Took a sup. Warm and fizzy (eerk lets hope I got the right container). Rolled over for more kip. Hmm that tastes alright I'll have some more, feel warm inside now and headache gone. Cool. Now sleeeeeep....
"Must cancel gym membership" "get the house fixed" ... "shut up! sleep!"
Its now 5am. On the plus side the lucozade stopped my early morning headache,but I now have to get some of these thoughts out of my head. I ban myself from turning on the laptop, like the night before. I have discovered the art of night time note book jotting. The lights are off, but the pen seems to be on the paper not the bed sheet. This is great, I never new I could write so fast. Should have tried this years ago for midnight revelations.
I pen a list of things to do next week, and then next month. I write a load of this blog. An email. Another one. Argh stop it, enough! See if I can get 2 hours more sleep before morning....
Oopps. It is now 7:30, and have been on the laptop since six! I am now trying to transcribe all these pages of notes. Each page took around a minute to fill, a revelation! However all the pages are unintelligible, and so are taking more like 15 mins to read and retype. The bits I can read that is, was I sleep scribing? Motty, when you read this, I think I have just found the secret weapon of our old mate Dave the Medic. (this guy had officially unreadable writting so was allowed specialists to transcribe his finals after each exam - he could have written War and Peace in that time - genius!).
Onto my progress, until the addition of Luco I was close to getting depressed last night, round the clock urination every 50 mins was messing with my head.( but maybe good training for endurance?). Anyway my PH went upto 8 last night which is good news for the Lemonchello treatment. [side note: am feeling very smug. I just found out I managed 10.2 litres of piss on christmas day, very fitting for a day of excess]
So viva Lucozade. Bad call by me but,but was a good effect. If its not on your plan already I recomend you put a bottle by your bed ready for Hogmanay. I swear it'll work wonders on the headache and you'll have planned how to do all next years resolutions by first light.
It was 4ish and the night had been hard work so far. A blur of tangled tubes,wires and pumps which were filling me with chemo and fluids, to make hourly visits to the sample room to rid myself of them.
Maybe it was an accumulation of mistakes. I had neglected to keep my water bottles refilled the night before and so earlier had had to reach for the 50s Tupperware beaker of water. An experience I didn't want to repeat. I lay awake and remembered the half drunk Luco bottle bought in by one of my visitors (thanks to all of you so far by the way - it has been brilliant, both the visits and calls). Took a sup. Warm and fizzy (eerk lets hope I got the right container). Rolled over for more kip. Hmm that tastes alright I'll have some more, feel warm inside now and headache gone. Cool. Now sleeeeeep....
"Must cancel gym membership" "get the house fixed" ... "shut up! sleep!"
Its now 5am. On the plus side the lucozade stopped my early morning headache,but I now have to get some of these thoughts out of my head. I ban myself from turning on the laptop, like the night before. I have discovered the art of night time note book jotting. The lights are off, but the pen seems to be on the paper not the bed sheet. This is great, I never new I could write so fast. Should have tried this years ago for midnight revelations.
I pen a list of things to do next week, and then next month. I write a load of this blog. An email. Another one. Argh stop it, enough! See if I can get 2 hours more sleep before morning....
Oopps. It is now 7:30, and have been on the laptop since six! I am now trying to transcribe all these pages of notes. Each page took around a minute to fill, a revelation! However all the pages are unintelligible, and so are taking more like 15 mins to read and retype. The bits I can read that is, was I sleep scribing? Motty, when you read this, I think I have just found the secret weapon of our old mate Dave the Medic. (this guy had officially unreadable writting so was allowed specialists to transcribe his finals after each exam - he could have written War and Peace in that time - genius!).
Onto my progress, until the addition of Luco I was close to getting depressed last night, round the clock urination every 50 mins was messing with my head.( but maybe good training for endurance?). Anyway my PH went upto 8 last night which is good news for the Lemonchello treatment. [side note: am feeling very smug. I just found out I managed 10.2 litres of piss on christmas day, very fitting for a day of excess]
So viva Lucozade. Bad call by me but,but was a good effect. If its not on your plan already I recomend you put a bottle by your bed ready for Hogmanay. I swear it'll work wonders on the headache and you'll have planned how to do all next years resolutions by first light.
Sunday 28 December 2008
Soda Bomb
I guess four good mights sleep in a row would have been too much to ask for! Back to waking after a few hours. Its dawn and am watching sunrise over Aberdeen from the ARI towers. This is a cool view.
The nurses told me last night that my Hg was 79 before my transfusion. I think they were 71 the day before, so could that mean I actually have some improving red cell production already? I hope so. My white count is zero, but that's OK as the doc said all my whites were the bad cells anyway. What I have apparently are non-African, non HIV, acute Burketts lymphoid cells. They are a very aggressive type, and hence so is my treatment. Not sure if that will help you in a pub quiz but you never know :)
Ah, now found out from the doc that the cell count never went to 71, it stuck on 79. Never mind.
A busy day is planned. I have been on an alkaline saline drip for 24 hours now, to prep for Methotrexate. Nasty yellow stuff, it looks like but is not Lemonchello. The Metho will be shot-gunned with more bicarbed saline and runs for 24 hours. After that Folinic Acid is added to neutralise the stuff for 36 hours. This is hard core! Feel pretty bad when treatment starts, but seemed to have gotten used to it.
They have to up the bicarb so to keep my blood from getting acidic.
It works, but start I wondering whether if I jumped off my chair would I blow up like a bicarb soda bomb!
or like Mr Creosote.
"just one more little waffer" .....
I decide to move smoothly for the rest of the day. Just to be safe.
The nurses told me last night that my Hg was 79 before my transfusion. I think they were 71 the day before, so could that mean I actually have some improving red cell production already? I hope so. My white count is zero, but that's OK as the doc said all my whites were the bad cells anyway. What I have apparently are non-African, non HIV, acute Burketts lymphoid cells. They are a very aggressive type, and hence so is my treatment. Not sure if that will help you in a pub quiz but you never know :)
Ah, now found out from the doc that the cell count never went to 71, it stuck on 79. Never mind.
A busy day is planned. I have been on an alkaline saline drip for 24 hours now, to prep for Methotrexate. Nasty yellow stuff, it looks like but is not Lemonchello. The Metho will be shot-gunned with more bicarbed saline and runs for 24 hours. After that Folinic Acid is added to neutralise the stuff for 36 hours. This is hard core! Feel pretty bad when treatment starts, but seemed to have gotten used to it.
They have to up the bicarb so to keep my blood from getting acidic.
It works, but start I wondering whether if I jumped off my chair would I blow up like a bicarb soda bomb!
or like Mr Creosote.
"just one more little waffer" .....
I decide to move smoothly for the rest of the day. Just to be safe.
Saturday 27 December 2008
Room with a view
Saturday, believe it or not its already on day 9 of my treatment!
Pretty good night sleep, breakfasted. Feel alright. Was told last night my bloods are now pretty low, which I can notice anyway just by walking around as I get dizzy with mild head aches. You feel like you must have run to the toilet, and got lost, rather than walked a few yards. I wonder if this is what altitude sickness feels like.
As well as chemo there is a lot in store for today. I am now due for the first red blood transfusions this morning. Haemoglobin was around 70, maybe dropping 5-10 a day. Good I think is 180 upwards. I had wondered if they would wait as I seem ok but I guess it makes sense to start before I bottom out. [ooo-err that sounds nasty!!] I on the other hand am the type who waits for the tank to hit red before filling up! So lucky I am not in charge.
I decide it’s a shame not to use my bod for a bit of experimentation, so after breakfast I jump on the cycle machine to see how my body copes with mild exertion while having with a haemo level of around 70. Settings: ez-resistance level 1, 10mins at 8 mph. Av heart rate 121, total distance 1.3 miles, 45 cal. Didn’t feel so bad, but was tiring and could feel my heart. Chris Hoy shouldn’t be worrying.
I hasn’t taken long, but I think I am already fully institutionalised. So maybe all those years at public school really did serve a useful purpose. Life really seems quite pleasant. I have a new room with a new view. Some ones looking out for me because its high up, and facing south-easterly so views over the city down to the sea. At last the Laird of Fittie can keep an eye on his minions from up in his tower!
It’s a shared room of three, again with a flat screen TV donated by ANCHOR. Each room on this ward has one, but the size seems to increase depending on how many of us share the room. The single rooms had perfectly respectable 22 inch, the double room where I spent the last few days an impressive 26, and now this one has an awesome 32 incher! If it got any bigger we’d have to wheel our beds down the corridor to watch it. Only slight down side at the moment is we cant find the remote! lol!
Seriously though, word up from the inside. You would not believe how the little extras funded by ANCHOR have boosted my spirits. Actually some like the TV are big extras. that have been added to these big C wards to make our stay more pleasant. There’s been a few extra tea time treats, the LCD free view TVs in the rooms, and quite a few pieces of equipments. Now I am not yet going to start on the politics, but some of this equipment you would naively thought was essential anyway. So good on you Friends of ANCHOR. A lot of this fight is about positive attitude, so I am told. So when you give money to these charities that add an bit of extra spice and garnish to a person stay in hospital, I am telling you now it makes a HUGE difference. Friends of ANCHOR is a local Aberdeen charity, and the main principle to you out there is that while a small donation may not seem able to find a cure for cancer, it WILL make patients stay on these wards much nicer, which in fact could make the difference for their personal fight to the other side. So what an easy way for you to make a difference. I am intending to set up a fund raising scheme for ANCHOR, so I would be delighted if anyone like me feels its worth supporting. Details will follow in later weeks. In the mean time start saving your pennies!
Finally back to me, of course. Just noticed my mouth is beginning to feel like i've been eating ALUM, its dry rough and now bitter too. I so am wondering how bad this will get.
Only one way to find out – time.
----------------
evening update. Two bags of blood later, decided to take them for a test ride. So back on the bike repeating of this mornings workout. Av heart rate 104, total distance 1.5 miles, 47 cal.
So no need to send the new blood cells back, looks like they work :)
Pretty good night sleep, breakfasted. Feel alright. Was told last night my bloods are now pretty low, which I can notice anyway just by walking around as I get dizzy with mild head aches. You feel like you must have run to the toilet, and got lost, rather than walked a few yards. I wonder if this is what altitude sickness feels like.
As well as chemo there is a lot in store for today. I am now due for the first red blood transfusions this morning. Haemoglobin was around 70, maybe dropping 5-10 a day. Good I think is 180 upwards. I had wondered if they would wait as I seem ok but I guess it makes sense to start before I bottom out. [ooo-err that sounds nasty!!] I on the other hand am the type who waits for the tank to hit red before filling up! So lucky I am not in charge.
I decide it’s a shame not to use my bod for a bit of experimentation, so after breakfast I jump on the cycle machine to see how my body copes with mild exertion while having with a haemo level of around 70. Settings: ez-resistance level 1, 10mins at 8 mph. Av heart rate 121, total distance 1.3 miles, 45 cal. Didn’t feel so bad, but was tiring and could feel my heart. Chris Hoy shouldn’t be worrying.
I hasn’t taken long, but I think I am already fully institutionalised. So maybe all those years at public school really did serve a useful purpose. Life really seems quite pleasant. I have a new room with a new view. Some ones looking out for me because its high up, and facing south-easterly so views over the city down to the sea. At last the Laird of Fittie can keep an eye on his minions from up in his tower!
It’s a shared room of three, again with a flat screen TV donated by ANCHOR. Each room on this ward has one, but the size seems to increase depending on how many of us share the room. The single rooms had perfectly respectable 22 inch, the double room where I spent the last few days an impressive 26, and now this one has an awesome 32 incher! If it got any bigger we’d have to wheel our beds down the corridor to watch it. Only slight down side at the moment is we cant find the remote! lol!
Seriously though, word up from the inside. You would not believe how the little extras funded by ANCHOR have boosted my spirits. Actually some like the TV are big extras. that have been added to these big C wards to make our stay more pleasant. There’s been a few extra tea time treats, the LCD free view TVs in the rooms, and quite a few pieces of equipments. Now I am not yet going to start on the politics, but some of this equipment you would naively thought was essential anyway. So good on you Friends of ANCHOR. A lot of this fight is about positive attitude, so I am told. So when you give money to these charities that add an bit of extra spice and garnish to a person stay in hospital, I am telling you now it makes a HUGE difference. Friends of ANCHOR is a local Aberdeen charity, and the main principle to you out there is that while a small donation may not seem able to find a cure for cancer, it WILL make patients stay on these wards much nicer, which in fact could make the difference for their personal fight to the other side. So what an easy way for you to make a difference. I am intending to set up a fund raising scheme for ANCHOR, so I would be delighted if anyone like me feels its worth supporting. Details will follow in later weeks. In the mean time start saving your pennies!
Finally back to me, of course. Just noticed my mouth is beginning to feel like i've been eating ALUM, its dry rough and now bitter too. I so am wondering how bad this will get.
Only one way to find out – time.
----------------
evening update. Two bags of blood later, decided to take them for a test ride. So back on the bike repeating of this mornings workout. Av heart rate 104, total distance 1.5 miles, 47 cal.
So no need to send the new blood cells back, looks like they work :)
Friday 26 December 2008
Stand clear of the doors
(I always thought James Mason recorded that for the underground, and if not he should have)
All aboard the Hickman line! Apparently though it is not tube link from Essex, but a semi permanent tube surgically inserted into a vien under the collar bone. This was inserted on tuesday eve, and has been a cause for paranoia. (i mean how can you take for granted a tube spouting out of your chest). It allows them to give and take chemicals and samples straight from the blood, and can stay in for months. So no more need for collapsing viens in my arms each day, sorry Sickboy, you'r on your own from here.
Marinate in iodene - done! The contrast during CT scan was intense. Way stronger feeling than any of the chemo injections so far. You feel certain organs fo rth efirst time as they take on a very hot sensation. And yes lads, some very important ones are effected!
[stuff to add here...]
oops Its now Friday already! Told you i am not good at these diaries. Will have to paste bits and peices together.
I didn't start this to get a Booker prize, just to hurl stuff out and mostly stop me repeating incidental daily guff to each freind. Despite what many might say I am not that fond of the sound of me own voice!
So merry Christmas, was santa good to you? were you good to him? I already know TKMax came up trumps for Ali.
Thanks to those who have already been in contact with me. It has been brilliant and overwhelming. The one single cool thing about this event has been catching up with so many great friends, but I really dont recomend this as a plan!
One more thing. Windsurfers are prone to this anyhow, but I have to
apologise for this most outrageous attempt so far at attention seeking! ;)
Enjoy the rest of your festivities.
All aboard the Hickman line! Apparently though it is not tube link from Essex, but a semi permanent tube surgically inserted into a vien under the collar bone. This was inserted on tuesday eve, and has been a cause for paranoia. (i mean how can you take for granted a tube spouting out of your chest). It allows them to give and take chemicals and samples straight from the blood, and can stay in for months. So no more need for collapsing viens in my arms each day, sorry Sickboy, you'r on your own from here.
Marinate in iodene - done! The contrast during CT scan was intense. Way stronger feeling than any of the chemo injections so far. You feel certain organs fo rth efirst time as they take on a very hot sensation. And yes lads, some very important ones are effected!
[stuff to add here...]
oops Its now Friday already! Told you i am not good at these diaries. Will have to paste bits and peices together.
I didn't start this to get a Booker prize, just to hurl stuff out and mostly stop me repeating incidental daily guff to each freind. Despite what many might say I am not that fond of the sound of me own voice!
So merry Christmas, was santa good to you? were you good to him? I already know TKMax came up trumps for Ali.
Thanks to those who have already been in contact with me. It has been brilliant and overwhelming. The one single cool thing about this event has been catching up with so many great friends, but I really dont recomend this as a plan!
One more thing. Windsurfers are prone to this anyhow, but I have to
apologise for this most outrageous attempt so far at attention seeking! ;)
Enjoy the rest of your festivities.
Wednesday 24 December 2008
(*blog start*) If you want blood (You've got it!)
or
"More than an armful" (misquoted from Tony Hancock)
So here I am on Saturday morning 19th December 2008. 5:52 am and just off the phone with my brother in Oz. I've been a bit tearful - the wee Jesse that I am. Not much, and anyway does’nt mean much as only a week ago nearly blubbed watching a cinema screening of “It’s a Wonderful Life”. Ok lads I didn’t, but lets just say maybe I need to tap back into my primeval side – go hunting and keep out the kitchen except for reaching for a beer!
I said I wouldn’t do this. Ever, ever write a Blog. I’ve also recently been readying to leave the other scourges of modern Internet, facebook etc. But times, our situations and ourselves change. (one of my personal traits is changing my mind daily anyway!)
I have never been good with dairies, I was given a five year one in my teens which I never started until I was doing a travel year, and then always had the problem that on the days I wanted to write I was a few days then weeks behind and so never got to write about stuff fresh. (sound familiar?)
So while its has been an eventful year, I’m not going to go into all of it that yet as otherwise this blog will never get to the point. What I want to start with is this week, as nothing in my previous life experience can touch it. I really never thought I would get sucked into the idea of a blog (especially as who could top the Ham's - will add link to his great self later :) ). But things change and I this is as good a modern way as any of adding more info for all my buddies as it is so hard to keep in touch. Any one else feel free to read on too if you like.
I had a strong urge last Wednesday morning to record my current thoughts right there and then as I felt a storm coming, but spurned the idae still thinking it was not my thing. Ok so now I’ve changed my mind, lets start. (Ham: “Urrg get on with it!”)
So lets pick this story up from start last Monday morning.
My back was really sore. It had been now for three weeks, from the 27th November 2008 when I got out of bed and felt like someone had added 20 years to my back, a plumber had thoughtfully tried to restrung me muscles, or maybe in my sleep had nipped out for a game of Rugby - which we must have lost badly.
I am used to being injured in recent years. Often being reminded “Ye nae a young loon now.” My passion is Windsurfing. For the last few years though my life has had to balance between: doing the watersports I love off the icy North East coast of Scotland, in total denial of my advancing years, the rehab needed to repair my ailing bod, and work because yes soon enough every surf bum had to hold down a job. That’s the order I'd like, but unfortunately these days its exactly the reverse!
My most recent previous injury was in October, windsufing at the Broch. (Fraserburgh to you further afield). I had gybed onto a great wee wave near the east end of the beach parking spot. I was pleased and imagined perhaps a few who had stopped would have noticed and be cheering, particularly as the conditions had got marginal. They had seen me from the launch spot, but instead were wondering why I was charging down a wave directly towards the start of the Inverallochy reef. I was only interested in the wave, oblivious to this fact. My fin on the other hand wave was more receptive, greeting a large rock with a “dunk” and stopping the board dead. To the full amusement of the crowd I then followed onto the rock which welcomed me and the top of my pelvis, which then in turn greeted. After a painful hobble to shore and a laugh with the crew there seemed to be no major harm done except a bruised ego and very bruised hip and muscles. So time for another few weeks of recuperation – well done boyo! So the cycle goes on, eh well more time to catch up on work now (see the reason for the re-ordering?)
Anyway soon enough I was back in the water, only a few weeks later. Had another great session with the “Broch Wave Team” on the Saturday, and that week everything was back to usual studying the web weather charts for wind and waves, trying to ignore the impending temps, and like the rest of our crew readying for the next weekend’s storm. Then on Thursday morning I woke to this latest back thing.
My lower back was unstable and the muscles were painful, knotted and occasionally spasming. Hey, I'm used to a bit of back pain, but you kind of know your usual ailments and this felt different to the usual sports induced abuse. Whether my back was saying, “forget it laddie, time to ease up” – or whether the usual rest would do. I’ve been training for a life goal which has so far eluded me – a windsurfing forward loop [link to Dan’s u-tube demo later!]. I've been too stubborn to give up, but incidents like this make me think a full back service might be advised before it shatters on me off the coast! So a visit to the GP and a quieter weekend was planned. Saw the doc on Monday, who reassured it probably wasn’t too bad but shed get me a full Physio assessment.
So yet again the windsurf part of the life-cycle will might have to be delayed.
That brings us up to two Mondays later, this Monday. Still no better, and now with episodes of the back spasms when leaning forward, which were bad enough that I kinda had to fall with it or at least grab something to stop the fall. Just once or twice a day, normally first thing, so no big deal but with Michelle’s persuasion a second visit to the doc was rapidly arranged.
Tues morning, up at the docs for 10am. Luckily the same one saw me and she thought we could chase up start of the physio and also said I should go to the nurse on the way out who’d give me a few blood tests. I have had a few this year already, as they found I had gout ha ha!! So wasn’t bothered by that. Back from work early, and my doc was on the phone saying they had results back and Haematology would like to admit me to ARI immediately to run a few more tests as an inpatient. Apparently I just flunked the platelet count. I was irritated as I thought this was no time to be staying in hospital – as well as work I had my Thesis to finish, and the Christmas shopping to do! I asked if I could just pop in for whatever tests they wanted? No, you have to be admitted tonight was the reply. I nipped to the laptop and googled “low platelets” while I waited further instructions. Whole bunch of stuff but noted Leukaemia not too far down the list. Hmmm great thinking fodder for a hypochondriac!
The doc rang back to say a bed was ready in AMAU, no places yet on Haemo, I wasn’t worried as it wouldn’t be a long stay. I asked about the platelet test and she said it was unreliable and most likely needed retesting. What did I score? 20. Is that bad? Well good is between 1500 and 450 so not really. Trust a theoretical physicist to get is wrong by powers of ten. Also was one of the first times I didn’t bother asking for the units! I looked at where the blood test had been taken on my arm and noticed it had bruised massively, so that maybe something was up. Be ok probably only some weird virus from the North Sea (!)
Michelle drove me up to ARI, and we were on the ward by 6pm. I was checked in and introduced to my fellow 5 boarders. A few characters but that’s another story! Later on a doc came to see me. More blood tests. The she checked for lumps on my skin. None – good. My glands were fine – which was nice, flattering really. Checked for bruises – there’s one, and another, and another! I hadn’t noticed any before and hadn’t windsurfed for 3 weeks. A few looked like where I might have bumped into things (so quite typical I’d say), but others were just little round ones size of a penny which seemed strange. So I guess the platelets must be low as they stop bleeding. She said the experts would be here tomorrow to do more tests and explain more. All in all it was looking all a bit more serious than I had hoped, and a clue was when the poor doc looked a little emotional when I was asking what they thought it was likely to be
That night it was hard not to consider the possibility that something really bad could be up with me. I realised this might be the last night I could be considered healthy, and a dramatically new dawn may be on the horizon. It was fairly scary but I know there were many options so I came to a strange idea that until I knew more I would ride my emotions as if I was watching a film, question is action or weepy?
Wednesday. First blood doc arrived in the morning rounds. More blood tests. They were not sure what was wrong, but they was a problem with the production of my platelets rather than them being used up too fast. So it was time to drill for bone marrow. Those tests off she said they would come back with the results in the
Michelle visited and decided to stay so that we could be there to hear the verdict together. I think I was still fairly upbeat. It was new consultant who arrived and for a while I was reassured as they were not sure of my problem. The penny then dropped as she clarified that was with my back, as yes they were sure I had Leukaemia. I had been half ready as I was sure both previous docs were watery eyed before when I had asked detailed questions. Michelle looked devastated but was incredibly brave and held my hand throughout. I listened now mind racing. How had I got to here in two days? I don’t even know of anyone who has ever had Leukaemia. I tried to concentrate, It was all stuff I am familiar with but not in any detail. The big question
“What’s my chances doc?”. It was hard to measure the reply, actually I forget the actual adjectives which is a shame because I think they were very very carefully measured. “Optimistic of remission” and “a chance of full cure”. I am used to percentages being a clinical researcher, although most who have endured my coffee time rants will know I put little faith in them. Its funny, you want to know your odds, but in when its about your life and the numbers don’t contain at least three zeros then maybe you don’t.
There was a massive sense of urgency implied by the docs. No question of going home for a few days and considering the next move. I did ask. You need treatment to start immediately. It will be intensive chemotherapy. She started gently telling me about symptoms of the therapy - hair loss, but I recon I have had a decade of that already so found that funny. You may become infertile – now that is not funny and verging on unfair as increased virility is gods compensation for natural hair loss and I have yet to take advantage of this fact. Seriously though I panicked as of course we
want children.
Asked about going home even for a few hours but they said no. What about children – you can “make a deposit but only after full virus check – was that OK?” Ive got Leukemia, the big C and they still have to ask if I care if I have a HIV test! Funny really!
It was a great help that Michelle stayed with me and I think now I how hard it would have been to tell her. The next few hours were awful, our future life plans seemed ripped to shreds in literally 24 hours. I had to call mum and Dad, they knew I was in for tests but I am sure like me they thought I’d wing it. It was Dad’s birthday and they were up to town for a meal and theatre. I decided quickly that I would be open with everyone, any other way would encourage my own denial and anyway I am lousy at excuses. It was a really hard call them but I pulled no punches. They missed the theatre after that poor things. not even Mamma Mia was going to cheer them up.
Night time.. Shock. Wake up one day different person, all old perspectives and priorities seem to melt away so fast. Should have knocked the Thesis out years ago, travelled more, the trips to Hawaii and other wave Meccas around the world.
Thursday. All aboard the blood train.
After another eventful night sleep where everyone on the ward is checked for blood pressure every 2 hours and someone at random is chosen to be wheeled in or out. I was told today I was off to the blood ward.
My very own room, how nice!
First thing was more blood tests. some consultations discussing what the treatment would be. Chest x-ray. Later consultation was a frustration as there had been a delay in virus tests. They needed to be clear to use the bank, so they may now be enough time before which could mean that by the time they were cleared in the morning so that I would be eligible to store sperm, there would likely be insufficient time to arrange a “donation” and I would have two choices. Donate and Results in the afternoon were a but
Friday
(apologies - just notes here). Andrology. Race against the nuclear porter. Radionuclide kidney test. Explanation of therapy.
Ok chemo round one here we go! In the blue corner……
That was so bad. Later a few procedures are moved about and few things a little flackey and I go into the first ebb on this rollercoaster.
Saturday
Wake 4 ish for the drip bag change, siphon the python and back to try to get more sleep. Its no good brain is firing now. Am thinking of 1000 things and the stress of it all is hitting me. This is the time I decide to start writing this. I am feeling well emotional now, no harm in that I guess considering. But I call my brother Phil in Oz. He chats to me for an hour (at least). Totally brilliant feel much more charged up now.
Sunday
Catch up with friends on the phone. Some start coming in. “You didn’t need to do this to get us to visit you Martin was my favourite comment!”. Really cool so many people.
Other stuff happened which I may fill in later, but its time to get this blog online.
Monday
Day starts by meeting by new boss. The ward Sister. She’s great and it’s a comfort seeing here rally her charges. Slapped wrist about little use of mobile over the weekend – ooops, ok no more boss!
Physio comes along to help advise on basic exercise. That’s great as has occurred to me I could leave here looking thinner that my 8 stone Gollum impersonation when I came back from Thailand 15 years before. I am keen as think with a physio I could try to be a fit as possible, more flexible, by the time I leave here. I can use a cycle . machine in the passage and do some excersises for now. Gently does it though – as it you push, as you might with in training, any repairing tissue would be at risk from the chemo. Makes sense as the chemo is most toxic to fast dividing cells. Warned also not to expect to make progressive improvement with “training”, just chill plod on easy dude. as the treatment will often knock me back. Snakes and ladders, got it.
Nineish sitting in a wheelchair outside Nuclear medicine. This corridor is a medical physicist super highway. Old colleagues of mine who I have bearly seen since moving up to Woodend pop up. There’s a double take, they got to remember me and then take in the fact that I am impersonating an in patient. So then the explaination. Great to see them and their offered support is a big comfort. Being a physicist I am loving all these tests, have asked for the data to analyse later! Todays is a heart flow test, where a radionuclide is attached to red blood cells so that a gamma camera can see through me but see my blood and make a movie of the blood pumping in and out of my heart. Ecg leads syncronise the frames of the movie so that in no time these is a really cool animation loop of my hearts blood. Cool. Obviously when I did the medical physics course years ago no one would have volunteered for this (ok I might have if asked!!) but now any tiny addition of radiation added to my lot is clearly irrelevant.
Back at the ward and more visits. Andrology say my soldiers are apparently well, nourished, and after parade have bivvied down in straws lollipops to await further orders. Good stuff lads.
Hey I have a room mate now. He is much younger than me, early 20s, and we get on straight away. So that is a big bonus. He seems to be in a similar predicament to me, poor lad. Its definitely easier with age, life’s experience seems to have armed me with sufficient cynicism to wear the edges of my boyish Ideals – which were totally firing on full cylinders at his age. Hey I don’t feel old, but there is definitely a difference now at least for me. Put it this way, before I came in here I was relating most to Jack Dee’s brilliant Lead Balloon. (cheap plug mate you better come and visit – be good to see a cheery face).
Phil rings and we have a wee chat, Poppy and Ruby bless them now know they’re Uncle is a but poorly. According to my youngest niece I am being visited by the spikey doctor (if only she knew how often - sick boy would be jealous of me). At her young age she already has experience of these things.
Afternoon. More bloods, then platelets, and more chemo. Visiting time! Mars comes – brilliant! Then he is turfed out as it is time for the first spinal injection. A bit of fluid will be taken to check for these naughty cells, and a dose of chemo stuffed in for good measure. Good stuff I think, want to protect the old grey matter. Was actually scared of the one – the ideas of needles in my back. But the needle is tiny and no chance of hurting the spine. Interesting operating setup, sit on my bead and lean over my bedside table! He is very skilled and there is very little pain and it is finished well before I guess is should be. Now you lie dead flat for an hour. I can do that!
I’ve now had another good chat today with the specialist support nurse today, he is a rock. This continues to fill in the pieces of my predicament for my overly demanding logical head. It is looking like a we are planning a 6 month campaign of 6 monthly sorties. Shock and awe attack tacktics (the Chemo), regroup, wait for new supplies (wait for my good cells to replenish), and then charge in again. Glad its not the Americans in charge. After the campaign there is a reasonable chance of armistice, (or maybe even total annihilation. We will keep listening for new activity, but if they don’t offer any further attacks on the coming months and then years we could be out of this mess faster than Irak.
I am convinced now that my back pain started due to the increased pressure in my pelvis or sacrum caused by build up of these rouge cells. My back just suddenly seems to just malfunction. It had felt at the time like the muscles were reacting to an injury, although there apparently was not one. Although it started low down, muscles had stiffened one by one up and then back down my back, just like when I injured my back playing rugby as a teenage. The physio said the we have learnt behaviour in back repair, so it maybe was trying to fix the problem the way that worked last time. Because the chemo is expected to knock a sizable amount in the first few injections, I had, with my science head on, sat on Friday predicting that there may be a change during treatment (its not signed off in a note book, but you can trust me!). And sure enough Saturday morning – less than 24 hours after war had started and most the pain have gone. I haven’t had so much as a Paracetomol since Friday!
Tuesday.
Its dark and I’ve just woken up cold again. After usual trip to the tapping station. I unwrap the blanket given to me last night, and curl back up in bed under it.. Theres a pain in the side of my knees this morning and now my chest feels chilled. I did the same last night – had the windows open and then woke cold later on. Am used to a cold draughty fishermans house see. Not all this air con. I chough. Idiot, better not have started a cold. After 4 good days of therapy it is dawning on me what it may be like once my immune is low. I wonder whether what the pain in my knees is? This is going to be a good challenge for a hypochondriac! (just remembered a brilliantly funny book by author Johseph Heller, where Mel Brookes comes to visit him in hospital as he recovers from a very weird nerve disease. Mel is always white as a sheet and has read more medical books and journals than the docs as is totally paranoid he will catch all offer to him!)
Nearly 6 so slept ok. Get confused cos they ask me if I want tea and toast and I nearly left it as breakfast isn’t for 2 hours. Not for you lad. This is your last for a while. Then “nil by mouth”. Ah yes – that must mean the Hickman line is booked for this morning. I wonder which of the fluoroscopy rooms I have been working in for paddys tendon study it will be. I am enjoying these co-incidences.
“It may be a thimble to you but that’s an armful to some”
Wednesday (Christmas eve)
Some days i feel like a soldier. Chemical soldier ready to take whatever orders are needed to win this fit. Most days in fact so far luckily.
Its the middle of the night. Feeling like the typical man with man flu. Few wee aches and now worried what that means. My teeth hurt, and i am thinking "am i about to be punished for years of avoiding the dentist?" I have put off dental treatment for a long long time. They werent so bad but nerver felt A1 either. You see with lower natural defences, all kinds of things could become important so theres me now wide awake thinking about my toothache!!
------------------------------------ ------------------------------
Maybe it would have been wise to run this by a few of you more literate buddies before posting, for some tips, like cutting out stuff and making it (more) entertaining. Recent events have made me rethink many things and one is not to worry about what others think, life is just too short!
See you back here later for more, in the mean time and for now just make sure you stay happy, make the most of every day and have fun!
I said I wouldn’t do this. Ever, ever write a Blog. I’ve also recently been readying to leave the other scourges of modern Internet, facebook etc. But times, our situations and ourselves change. (one of my personal traits is changing my mind daily anyway!)
I have never been good with dairies, I was given a five year one in my teens which I never started until I was doing a travel year, and then always had the problem that on the days I wanted to write I was a few days then weeks behind and so never got to write about stuff fresh. (sound familiar?)
So while its has been an eventful year, I’m not going to go into all of it that yet as otherwise this blog will never get to the point. What I want to start with is this week, as nothing in my previous life experience can touch it. I really never thought I would get sucked into the idea of a blog (especially as who could top the Ham's - will add link to his great self later :) ). But things change and I this is as good a modern way as any of adding more info for all my buddies as it is so hard to keep in touch. Any one else feel free to read on too if you like.
I had a strong urge last Wednesday morning to record my current thoughts right there and then as I felt a storm coming, but spurned the idae still thinking it was not my thing. Ok so now I’ve changed my mind, lets start. (Ham: “Urrg get on with it!”)
So lets pick this story up from start last Monday morning.
My back was really sore. It had been now for three weeks, from the 27th November 2008 when I got out of bed and felt like someone had added 20 years to my back, a plumber had thoughtfully tried to restrung me muscles, or maybe in my sleep had nipped out for a game of Rugby - which we must have lost badly.
I am used to being injured in recent years. Often being reminded “Ye nae a young loon now.” My passion is Windsurfing. For the last few years though my life has had to balance between: doing the watersports I love off the icy North East coast of Scotland, in total denial of my advancing years, the rehab needed to repair my ailing bod, and work because yes soon enough every surf bum had to hold down a job. That’s the order I'd like, but unfortunately these days its exactly the reverse!
My most recent previous injury was in October, windsufing at the Broch. (Fraserburgh to you further afield). I had gybed onto a great wee wave near the east end of the beach parking spot. I was pleased and imagined perhaps a few who had stopped would have noticed and be cheering, particularly as the conditions had got marginal. They had seen me from the launch spot, but instead were wondering why I was charging down a wave directly towards the start of the Inverallochy reef. I was only interested in the wave, oblivious to this fact. My fin on the other hand wave was more receptive, greeting a large rock with a “dunk” and stopping the board dead. To the full amusement of the crowd I then followed onto the rock which welcomed me and the top of my pelvis, which then in turn greeted. After a painful hobble to shore and a laugh with the crew there seemed to be no major harm done except a bruised ego and very bruised hip and muscles. So time for another few weeks of recuperation – well done boyo! So the cycle goes on, eh well more time to catch up on work now (see the reason for the re-ordering?)
Anyway soon enough I was back in the water, only a few weeks later. Had another great session with the “Broch Wave Team” on the Saturday, and that week everything was back to usual studying the web weather charts for wind and waves, trying to ignore the impending temps, and like the rest of our crew readying for the next weekend’s storm. Then on Thursday morning I woke to this latest back thing.
My lower back was unstable and the muscles were painful, knotted and occasionally spasming. Hey, I'm used to a bit of back pain, but you kind of know your usual ailments and this felt different to the usual sports induced abuse. Whether my back was saying, “forget it laddie, time to ease up” – or whether the usual rest would do. I’ve been training for a life goal which has so far eluded me – a windsurfing forward loop [link to Dan’s u-tube demo later!]. I've been too stubborn to give up, but incidents like this make me think a full back service might be advised before it shatters on me off the coast! So a visit to the GP and a quieter weekend was planned. Saw the doc on Monday, who reassured it probably wasn’t too bad but shed get me a full Physio assessment.
So yet again the windsurf part of the life-cycle will might have to be delayed.
That brings us up to two Mondays later, this Monday. Still no better, and now with episodes of the back spasms when leaning forward, which were bad enough that I kinda had to fall with it or at least grab something to stop the fall. Just once or twice a day, normally first thing, so no big deal but with Michelle’s persuasion a second visit to the doc was rapidly arranged.
Tues morning, up at the docs for 10am. Luckily the same one saw me and she thought we could chase up start of the physio and also said I should go to the nurse on the way out who’d give me a few blood tests. I have had a few this year already, as they found I had gout ha ha!! So wasn’t bothered by that. Back from work early, and my doc was on the phone saying they had results back and Haematology would like to admit me to ARI immediately to run a few more tests as an inpatient. Apparently I just flunked the platelet count. I was irritated as I thought this was no time to be staying in hospital – as well as work I had my Thesis to finish, and the Christmas shopping to do! I asked if I could just pop in for whatever tests they wanted? No, you have to be admitted tonight was the reply. I nipped to the laptop and googled “low platelets” while I waited further instructions. Whole bunch of stuff but noted Leukaemia not too far down the list. Hmmm great thinking fodder for a hypochondriac!
The doc rang back to say a bed was ready in AMAU, no places yet on Haemo, I wasn’t worried as it wouldn’t be a long stay. I asked about the platelet test and she said it was unreliable and most likely needed retesting. What did I score? 20. Is that bad? Well good is between 1500 and 450 so not really. Trust a theoretical physicist to get is wrong by powers of ten. Also was one of the first times I didn’t bother asking for the units! I looked at where the blood test had been taken on my arm and noticed it had bruised massively, so that maybe something was up. Be ok probably only some weird virus from the North Sea (!)
Michelle drove me up to ARI, and we were on the ward by 6pm. I was checked in and introduced to my fellow 5 boarders. A few characters but that’s another story! Later on a doc came to see me. More blood tests. The she checked for lumps on my skin. None – good. My glands were fine – which was nice, flattering really. Checked for bruises – there’s one, and another, and another! I hadn’t noticed any before and hadn’t windsurfed for 3 weeks. A few looked like where I might have bumped into things (so quite typical I’d say), but others were just little round ones size of a penny which seemed strange. So I guess the platelets must be low as they stop bleeding. She said the experts would be here tomorrow to do more tests and explain more. All in all it was looking all a bit more serious than I had hoped, and a clue was when the poor doc looked a little emotional when I was asking what they thought it was likely to be
That night it was hard not to consider the possibility that something really bad could be up with me. I realised this might be the last night I could be considered healthy, and a dramatically new dawn may be on the horizon. It was fairly scary but I know there were many options so I came to a strange idea that until I knew more I would ride my emotions as if I was watching a film, question is action or weepy?
Wednesday. First blood doc arrived in the morning rounds. More blood tests. They were not sure what was wrong, but they was a problem with the production of my platelets rather than them being used up too fast. So it was time to drill for bone marrow. Those tests off she said they would come back with the results in the
Michelle visited and decided to stay so that we could be there to hear the verdict together. I think I was still fairly upbeat. It was new consultant who arrived and for a while I was reassured as they were not sure of my problem. The penny then dropped as she clarified that was with my back, as yes they were sure I had Leukaemia. I had been half ready as I was sure both previous docs were watery eyed before when I had asked detailed questions. Michelle looked devastated but was incredibly brave and held my hand throughout. I listened now mind racing. How had I got to here in two days? I don’t even know of anyone who has ever had Leukaemia. I tried to concentrate, It was all stuff I am familiar with but not in any detail. The big question
“What’s my chances doc?”. It was hard to measure the reply, actually I forget the actual adjectives which is a shame because I think they were very very carefully measured. “Optimistic of remission” and “a chance of full cure”. I am used to percentages being a clinical researcher, although most who have endured my coffee time rants will know I put little faith in them. Its funny, you want to know your odds, but in when its about your life and the numbers don’t contain at least three zeros then maybe you don’t.
There was a massive sense of urgency implied by the docs. No question of going home for a few days and considering the next move. I did ask. You need treatment to start immediately. It will be intensive chemotherapy. She started gently telling me about symptoms of the therapy - hair loss, but I recon I have had a decade of that already so found that funny. You may become infertile – now that is not funny and verging on unfair as increased virility is gods compensation for natural hair loss and I have yet to take advantage of this fact. Seriously though I panicked as of course we
want children.
Asked about going home even for a few hours but they said no. What about children – you can “make a deposit but only after full virus check – was that OK?” Ive got Leukemia, the big C and they still have to ask if I care if I have a HIV test! Funny really!
It was a great help that Michelle stayed with me and I think now I how hard it would have been to tell her. The next few hours were awful, our future life plans seemed ripped to shreds in literally 24 hours. I had to call mum and Dad, they knew I was in for tests but I am sure like me they thought I’d wing it. It was Dad’s birthday and they were up to town for a meal and theatre. I decided quickly that I would be open with everyone, any other way would encourage my own denial and anyway I am lousy at excuses. It was a really hard call them but I pulled no punches. They missed the theatre after that poor things. not even Mamma Mia was going to cheer them up.
Night time.. Shock. Wake up one day different person, all old perspectives and priorities seem to melt away so fast. Should have knocked the Thesis out years ago, travelled more, the trips to Hawaii and other wave Meccas around the world.
Thursday. All aboard the blood train.
After another eventful night sleep where everyone on the ward is checked for blood pressure every 2 hours and someone at random is chosen to be wheeled in or out. I was told today I was off to the blood ward.
My very own room, how nice!
First thing was more blood tests. some consultations discussing what the treatment would be. Chest x-ray. Later consultation was a frustration as there had been a delay in virus tests. They needed to be clear to use the bank, so they may now be enough time before which could mean that by the time they were cleared in the morning so that I would be eligible to store sperm, there would likely be insufficient time to arrange a “donation” and I would have two choices. Donate and Results in the afternoon were a but
Friday
(apologies - just notes here). Andrology. Race against the nuclear porter. Radionuclide kidney test. Explanation of therapy.
Ok chemo round one here we go! In the blue corner……
That was so bad. Later a few procedures are moved about and few things a little flackey and I go into the first ebb on this rollercoaster.
Saturday
Wake 4 ish for the drip bag change, siphon the python and back to try to get more sleep. Its no good brain is firing now. Am thinking of 1000 things and the stress of it all is hitting me. This is the time I decide to start writing this. I am feeling well emotional now, no harm in that I guess considering. But I call my brother Phil in Oz. He chats to me for an hour (at least). Totally brilliant feel much more charged up now.
Sunday
Catch up with friends on the phone. Some start coming in. “You didn’t need to do this to get us to visit you Martin was my favourite comment!”. Really cool so many people.
Other stuff happened which I may fill in later, but its time to get this blog online.
Monday
Day starts by meeting by new boss. The ward Sister. She’s great and it’s a comfort seeing here rally her charges. Slapped wrist about little use of mobile over the weekend – ooops, ok no more boss!
Physio comes along to help advise on basic exercise. That’s great as has occurred to me I could leave here looking thinner that my 8 stone Gollum impersonation when I came back from Thailand 15 years before. I am keen as think with a physio I could try to be a fit as possible, more flexible, by the time I leave here. I can use a cycle . machine in the passage and do some excersises for now. Gently does it though – as it you push, as you might with in training, any repairing tissue would be at risk from the chemo. Makes sense as the chemo is most toxic to fast dividing cells. Warned also not to expect to make progressive improvement with “training”, just chill plod on easy dude. as the treatment will often knock me back. Snakes and ladders, got it.
Nineish sitting in a wheelchair outside Nuclear medicine. This corridor is a medical physicist super highway. Old colleagues of mine who I have bearly seen since moving up to Woodend pop up. There’s a double take, they got to remember me and then take in the fact that I am impersonating an in patient. So then the explaination. Great to see them and their offered support is a big comfort. Being a physicist I am loving all these tests, have asked for the data to analyse later! Todays is a heart flow test, where a radionuclide is attached to red blood cells so that a gamma camera can see through me but see my blood and make a movie of the blood pumping in and out of my heart. Ecg leads syncronise the frames of the movie so that in no time these is a really cool animation loop of my hearts blood. Cool. Obviously when I did the medical physics course years ago no one would have volunteered for this (ok I might have if asked!!) but now any tiny addition of radiation added to my lot is clearly irrelevant.
Back at the ward and more visits. Andrology say my soldiers are apparently well, nourished, and after parade have bivvied down in straws lollipops to await further orders. Good stuff lads.
Hey I have a room mate now. He is much younger than me, early 20s, and we get on straight away. So that is a big bonus. He seems to be in a similar predicament to me, poor lad. Its definitely easier with age, life’s experience seems to have armed me with sufficient cynicism to wear the edges of my boyish Ideals – which were totally firing on full cylinders at his age. Hey I don’t feel old, but there is definitely a difference now at least for me. Put it this way, before I came in here I was relating most to Jack Dee’s brilliant Lead Balloon. (cheap plug mate you better come and visit – be good to see a cheery face).
Phil rings and we have a wee chat, Poppy and Ruby bless them now know they’re Uncle is a but poorly. According to my youngest niece I am being visited by the spikey doctor (if only she knew how often - sick boy would be jealous of me). At her young age she already has experience of these things.
Afternoon. More bloods, then platelets, and more chemo. Visiting time! Mars comes – brilliant! Then he is turfed out as it is time for the first spinal injection. A bit of fluid will be taken to check for these naughty cells, and a dose of chemo stuffed in for good measure. Good stuff I think, want to protect the old grey matter. Was actually scared of the one – the ideas of needles in my back. But the needle is tiny and no chance of hurting the spine. Interesting operating setup, sit on my bead and lean over my bedside table! He is very skilled and there is very little pain and it is finished well before I guess is should be. Now you lie dead flat for an hour. I can do that!
I’ve now had another good chat today with the specialist support nurse today, he is a rock. This continues to fill in the pieces of my predicament for my overly demanding logical head. It is looking like a we are planning a 6 month campaign of 6 monthly sorties. Shock and awe attack tacktics (the Chemo), regroup, wait for new supplies (wait for my good cells to replenish), and then charge in again. Glad its not the Americans in charge. After the campaign there is a reasonable chance of armistice, (or maybe even total annihilation. We will keep listening for new activity, but if they don’t offer any further attacks on the coming months and then years we could be out of this mess faster than Irak.
I am convinced now that my back pain started due to the increased pressure in my pelvis or sacrum caused by build up of these rouge cells. My back just suddenly seems to just malfunction. It had felt at the time like the muscles were reacting to an injury, although there apparently was not one. Although it started low down, muscles had stiffened one by one up and then back down my back, just like when I injured my back playing rugby as a teenage. The physio said the we have learnt behaviour in back repair, so it maybe was trying to fix the problem the way that worked last time. Because the chemo is expected to knock a sizable amount in the first few injections, I had, with my science head on, sat on Friday predicting that there may be a change during treatment (its not signed off in a note book, but you can trust me!). And sure enough Saturday morning – less than 24 hours after war had started and most the pain have gone. I haven’t had so much as a Paracetomol since Friday!
Tuesday.
Its dark and I’ve just woken up cold again. After usual trip to the tapping station. I unwrap the blanket given to me last night, and curl back up in bed under it.. Theres a pain in the side of my knees this morning and now my chest feels chilled. I did the same last night – had the windows open and then woke cold later on. Am used to a cold draughty fishermans house see. Not all this air con. I chough. Idiot, better not have started a cold. After 4 good days of therapy it is dawning on me what it may be like once my immune is low. I wonder whether what the pain in my knees is? This is going to be a good challenge for a hypochondriac! (just remembered a brilliantly funny book by author Johseph Heller, where Mel Brookes comes to visit him in hospital as he recovers from a very weird nerve disease. Mel is always white as a sheet and has read more medical books and journals than the docs as is totally paranoid he will catch all offer to him!)
Nearly 6 so slept ok. Get confused cos they ask me if I want tea and toast and I nearly left it as breakfast isn’t for 2 hours. Not for you lad. This is your last for a while. Then “nil by mouth”. Ah yes – that must mean the Hickman line is booked for this morning. I wonder which of the fluoroscopy rooms I have been working in for paddys tendon study it will be. I am enjoying these co-incidences.
“It may be a thimble to you but that’s an armful to some”
Wednesday (Christmas eve)
Some days i feel like a soldier. Chemical soldier ready to take whatever orders are needed to win this fit. Most days in fact so far luckily.
Its the middle of the night. Feeling like the typical man with man flu. Few wee aches and now worried what that means. My teeth hurt, and i am thinking "am i about to be punished for years of avoiding the dentist?" I have put off dental treatment for a long long time. They werent so bad but nerver felt A1 either. You see with lower natural defences, all kinds of things could become important so theres me now wide awake thinking about my toothache!!
------------------------------------ ------------------------------
Maybe it would have been wise to run this by a few of you more literate buddies before posting, for some tips, like cutting out stuff and making it (more) entertaining. Recent events have made me rethink many things and one is not to worry about what others think, life is just too short!
See you back here later for more, in the mean time and for now just make sure you stay happy, make the most of every day and have fun!
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